This is a blog written by a mum who lost her mum at an early age at a very difficult time in her life. It captures ‘you don’t know what you don’t know, till you are thrown into that situation’. At a very sad time in your life when you are grieving, there is so much else to do…..
You often hear about other people losing a parent and even though you feel sad for them it isn’t until you are faced with the loss yourself that you truly understand what it means to lose such an integral part of your life.
My mother was only in her early 50’s when she died suddenly; not having my father around for majority of my life to lose my mother was life altering. As mum was so younger her passing come as a real shock and something that were not prepared for in more ways than one.
As I have never experienced losing someone so close before we didn’t realise the enormity of what lied ahead not only in terms of making funeral arrangement but also dealing with my mother estate.
My mother had never remarried and at the time of her death was living alone, and so was not the most organised lady I know, she didn’t have a Will and as for other affairs such as superannuation, bills and general living well they had been a little over looked as well.
I remember thinking minutes after finding out she had passed away that I was going to be the one who would have to be responsible to make all necessary arrangements, as my sister was heavily pregnant with her 6th child and was due to give birth within days. I also remember thinking how on earth was I going to manage to get the remainder of my house packed up as we were moving house in 5 days’ time and I too was a mother of 3 children 4 and under. All the while feeling that all I wanted to do is call my Mother and she would know how to do all this but of course that wasn’t going to happen as she was gone!!!
The sad thing is it all become a process for me, everything become part of a list and what should have been a time for me to grieve the loss of the most important part of my life had now become a series of actions for me to tick off a very long list. I clearly recall wishing that there was someone out there that I could trust and leave responsible to follow up and arrange all of the things that really didn’t mean anything to me but I knew were extremely important and had to be attended to. Things like receiving and sorting mail, arranging her estate and liaising with the lawyer, sorting through paperwork, packing up the house after we had decided what we did and didn’t want, and even dealing with the real estate to arrange the sale of the property.
To have been able to employ a business/ person that I felt I could trust who could have taken control of all the practically important things not emotionally not important would have meant I could have allowed myself more time to arranging my mother funeral and more importantly the time for the healing process to begin and time for the memories to come flooding back, which for me seem to take years to happen.
If only there was someone or a service available to help other families just like mine!